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| Wedding Etiquette |
| by Fran Myers |
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 There
has always been a “right” and a “wrong”
way of doing things. As marriage has its legal and religious
aspects, it also has a social aspect. A bridal consultant should
be able to advise the bride and groom the socially correct way
of planning their wedding and hopefully that direction will
be accepted.
Wedding etiquette begins with the onset of the planning process
and carries through to the writing of thank you notes. Some
folks have never had the opportunity to plan a social function
and will rely on the consultant to guide them.
Many grooms are still asking the father of the bride for permission
to marry his daughter which is a courtesy to the bride’s
family. Once the approval is extended and the bride-to-be accepts
the groom’s proposal, the planning begins.
The two sets of parents should attempt to meet one another socially
as soon as possible after the engagement is announced. The groom’s
parents should make the initial contact. It is important for
the parents to get to know one another and lend their support
to the couple.
According to information from the Association
of Bridal Consultants, wedding
costs can be examined historically, traditionally, and practically.
Historically, the cost of giving the wedding traces to the dowry
and the bride-price, used as inducements by parents to marry
off their daughters. The customs are inherent in the marriage
rites of cultural and ethnic groups ranging from the ancient
Semites and Babylonians to recent Europeans and modern Australian
aborigines. They also do not apply in most cases in the modern
civilized world. But they do form the background for sharing
the wedding costs.
Traditionally, it has been the case that this was the last thing
for which the bride and her family paid. After the wedding,
the bridegroom bore al the costs of the marriage. In addition,
the bride’s parents always have hosted a party, celebrating
their success in finding a proper husband for their daughter.
Obviously, in today’s world, with the increasing number
of two-income households, the bride will hold her own, financially,
in the marriage, and will make significant economic contributions
to the family. It should be noted, however, that one aspect
of the tradition still holds; after the wedding, the bridegroom
still assumes the responsibility for supporting his wife, regardless
of the practicalities of the marriage.
The tradition leads to the current standard that the reception
is the responsibility of the bride’s family. This responsibility
can be met by hosting the reception at home or in a place rented
by her family. The bridegroom’s family may arrange whatever
parties they wish - after the honeymoon - but the wedding and
reception still are the bride’s province.
The practical reason does provide a logical rationale for the
bride’s family assuming the responsibility for planning
the wedding and reception. It is far easier to plan such a social
function if it is done by one family. The bridegroom’s
family should be included in the planning but, if the bride’s
family will be the “hosts” (bill payers) then the
decision making rests in one place, with the bridegroom’s
family taking an advisory role.
In addition, although it is much more common for the bridegroom
to be more involved and interested in planning the wedding,
it still is the bride’s show.
Probably the most complex and confusing single aspect of the
entire wedding experience is the simple piece of paper called
the invitation. Certainly there is more etiquette involved in
the invitation than in any other single part of the wedding.
The invitation is the guest’s clue as to whether the event
is formal, semi-formal or informal. Rely on your bridal consultant
to advise you of the proper etiquette.
Put your mind at ease and let an NMWP
Wedding Consultant help you plan
the perfect wedding. |
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